The People We Think We Know...Part II
Life can be really weird sometimes. Especially where relationships are concerned. I know that's no great discovery or insight, but I thought it was worth mentioning. I suppose it makes sense though...people can be really weird, hence relationships can be really weird. Basically there are supposed to be people in your life who always love you - no matter what. People like your parents, your siblings, your very best friends, etc. etc. These are the people who are supposed to be able to watch you do stupid, inexcusably idiotic type stuff, and STILL love you. Even when the things are you do are hurtful or destructive, somewhere deep down below all the potential pain and anger, these people are the ones who will always forgive you, never stop caring and never lose their faith or trust in you. It's how we as human beings survive - off the love of those around us.
The human capacity for love and forgiveness is what REALLY makes us amazing creations in my opinion. It's not our intelligence, cause lets face it...we're not all particularly bright, and it's not our sense of humor, though that certainly helps. To me it really is the fact that we as a species have the capacity for a type of love that absolutely defies reason. We can love to an extent that is completely and totally illogical, and do so in the face of experiences and obstacles that would normally cause us to turn tail and run. By the same token we can forgive and forget problems and mistakes that we should by all rights carry with us to the grave. Granted some people DO carry those burdens with them their entire lives, but I feel like if it involves someone you truly love, you can let it go. Every once in a while I wonder if there is anything that a person I cared about could do to me, something so horrific and so traumatic, that I could never forgive them - and each time I come up with the same answer, no. Maybe I'm unique in that respect, but it doesn't seem that way.
On the flip side though, this is the type of love and forgiveness that we are blessed to have from just a handful of people in our lives, and when you realize that this group is smaller then you first thought, it's a painful thing to stomach. Sometimes it can be hard to see who exactly falls into this group and who doesn't, because to love is also to risk, and it's not always easy to gage who the risk takers are. Mostly though, finding these people in your life is tricky because truly putting someone's love for you to the ultimate test usually involves having to do something hurtful - and lets face it, most decent people don't set out to do that to the people they care about.
No, usually you find out who really loves you entirely by accident, when you do one of those incredibly idiotic and/or hurtful things I mentioned earlier. I think you all know what I'm taking about...because it's a big part of being alive. Sometimes in your life, just screw up royally - it happens to us all and there's just nothing to be done about it. Beware the person who says they have no regrets in their life. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I wouldn't change the mistakes I've made in my life even if I could, because I think they've made me the person I am, but that's doesn't mean I don't regret them. As I ways saying though, it's after one of these royal screwups that you find out who in your life really loves you, and who was just faking it. It's a discovery everyone goes through, but you'd never wish it on anyone.
I suppose there's some great irony to the fact that I'm the one writing this lengthy discourse on love and forgiveness, having recently deeply hurt someone I love a great deal, and been deeply hurt in return. But by the same token, the last few weeks have really only served to prove what I've written here to be essentially correct. I ended up making one of those painful discoveries I was just talking about, and it wasn't any fun. I guess the person I hurt probably feels like they made an important discovery too, in so much as they found out that I'm human, and every bit as capable of fucking up as the next guy, but where love has allowed me to let go of all the pain and anger that came with this, it seems to have been a pretty one sided affair. Don't get me wrong...I'm no saint, and I haven't said all this to make myself look like I am, it's just honestly how I feel. Who knows, maybe in this case it's a matter of time before I'm forgiven, or maybe it wont ever happen, but if it IS a matter of time I have to wonder, if it's the kind of love that can come and go so easily, is it really going to matter?
"To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure,
But risk must be taken,
Because the greatest hazard in life
Is to risk nothing..."
~Leo Buscaglia
The human capacity for love and forgiveness is what REALLY makes us amazing creations in my opinion. It's not our intelligence, cause lets face it...we're not all particularly bright, and it's not our sense of humor, though that certainly helps. To me it really is the fact that we as a species have the capacity for a type of love that absolutely defies reason. We can love to an extent that is completely and totally illogical, and do so in the face of experiences and obstacles that would normally cause us to turn tail and run. By the same token we can forgive and forget problems and mistakes that we should by all rights carry with us to the grave. Granted some people DO carry those burdens with them their entire lives, but I feel like if it involves someone you truly love, you can let it go. Every once in a while I wonder if there is anything that a person I cared about could do to me, something so horrific and so traumatic, that I could never forgive them - and each time I come up with the same answer, no. Maybe I'm unique in that respect, but it doesn't seem that way.
On the flip side though, this is the type of love and forgiveness that we are blessed to have from just a handful of people in our lives, and when you realize that this group is smaller then you first thought, it's a painful thing to stomach. Sometimes it can be hard to see who exactly falls into this group and who doesn't, because to love is also to risk, and it's not always easy to gage who the risk takers are. Mostly though, finding these people in your life is tricky because truly putting someone's love for you to the ultimate test usually involves having to do something hurtful - and lets face it, most decent people don't set out to do that to the people they care about.
No, usually you find out who really loves you entirely by accident, when you do one of those incredibly idiotic and/or hurtful things I mentioned earlier. I think you all know what I'm taking about...because it's a big part of being alive. Sometimes in your life, just screw up royally - it happens to us all and there's just nothing to be done about it. Beware the person who says they have no regrets in their life. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I wouldn't change the mistakes I've made in my life even if I could, because I think they've made me the person I am, but that's doesn't mean I don't regret them. As I ways saying though, it's after one of these royal screwups that you find out who in your life really loves you, and who was just faking it. It's a discovery everyone goes through, but you'd never wish it on anyone.
I suppose there's some great irony to the fact that I'm the one writing this lengthy discourse on love and forgiveness, having recently deeply hurt someone I love a great deal, and been deeply hurt in return. But by the same token, the last few weeks have really only served to prove what I've written here to be essentially correct. I ended up making one of those painful discoveries I was just talking about, and it wasn't any fun. I guess the person I hurt probably feels like they made an important discovery too, in so much as they found out that I'm human, and every bit as capable of fucking up as the next guy, but where love has allowed me to let go of all the pain and anger that came with this, it seems to have been a pretty one sided affair. Don't get me wrong...I'm no saint, and I haven't said all this to make myself look like I am, it's just honestly how I feel. Who knows, maybe in this case it's a matter of time before I'm forgiven, or maybe it wont ever happen, but if it IS a matter of time I have to wonder, if it's the kind of love that can come and go so easily, is it really going to matter?
"To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure,
But risk must be taken,
Because the greatest hazard in life
Is to risk nothing..."
~Leo Buscaglia
posted by CarpeDM | 11:01 PM
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