Man's Best Friend

I used to think I knew what it felt like to be a dog owner - my family has always had dogs, I grew up around them, I was partially responsible for them and I loved them. However, I recently became the soul owner a new 6 mo. puppy, and let me tell you, trying to compare having a "family dog" to having a dog that is 100% yours is like trying to compare a poster of a Rembrandt to the original painting. As much as it may seem like it initially, they're not the same AT ALL!!!

My puppy's name is Addie, and she's a pure-bred Rottweiler that I adopted from a family whose homeowners assoc. in their neighborhood decreed that they would not allow a Rottie (deemed a "dangerous dog" by many groups) to live there. Now I'm not judging, but if it had been me, than there would have been a lawsuit before I gave up my dog, but I'm stubborn like that I guess. Anyway, point being - I could not be happier that things worked out the way they did! I've wanted a Rottie for as long as I can remember, and now at long last, I have one. Lots of people ask me "Why a Rottie? Why do you love a dog that has such a bad reputation?" My initial answer is that the rep. is completely undeserved. Rotties are NOT bad dogs...they are not inherantly mean nor are they overly aggressive unless they are specifically brought up to be that way by the people who raise them. The characteristics of Rotties that have been well bred and well brought up are that they're loyal, confident, protective of their family and very curious. You can see how easily these traits could be twisted to produce a dangerous dog - but sadly most people who fear Rottweilers feel that they are dangerous from the moment they're born until the moment they stop breathing, and this just simply isn't the case.

Now, aside from all that, one of the reasons I ADORE the breed is that they ARE somewhat mis-understood, and when you walk down the street, people who don't know any better DO give you a wide berth (I've had several people go so far as to cross the street when they saw me walking Addie), or at the very least, a second glance. Call it juvenile if you want, but that entertains me - though I'm usually inclined to have the person come over and say hello to her, just so they can see how wrong they are. On top of that, Rotties are smart, and when I say smart I mean this is probably the most intelligent dog I have ever come across, and I have seen A LOT of dogs in my life. Then there is the whole protection thing - while Addie does NOT have an aggressive personality, if we're at home she will not hesitate to growl if she sees or smells something she doesn't think is right. It's never been directed at a person, and she doesn't bark incessantly - it's usually a low growl, or one quick 'woof' if she thinks something is wrong, but then that's it. After that she'll just 'wait and see' but I have no doubt that if she thought anything was seriously wrong, she wouldn't hesitate to act. It's a nice feeling, and very difficult balance to achieve in breeds other than Rotties, Shepherds and a few others.

So aside from just loving the breed, as I said earlier there is so much difference between associating with dogs, and actually OWNING your own. I love this silly dog more than I have ever loved any dog in my entire life, and find myself willingly and happily doing things that used to consider chores w/other pets, such as brushing, walking, training, etc. etc. etc. Now I find myself talking to her as I would a person, playing games with her, teaching her things and really wanting her to succeed. She for her part loves to get me to play, follows me from room to room, is always happy to see me, and tries SO hard to do what she thinks will make me happy. It's amazing. The bond between dog and owner is a special feeling, and until now I've missed out on it. Now days things are different...I have a new member in my family, and I honestly could not be happier.

The Dangers of DTR

Greetings again! I'm just a blog addict here of late, and as I wait here patiently for my latest paycheck to clear the bank, I'm pondering the dangers of DTR-ing. Now many of you are probably asking (maybe even out loud) just what is "DTR"? Well to be honest, it wasn't a phrase I had ever heard before either...but after it was explained to me, I knew damn well what it was, and exactly why it's so dangerous. You see, "DTR" stands for "define the relationship", so "DTR"ing is defining ones current relationship with another person...typically of the opposite sex, and typically a romantic interest.

If you've ever been in a relationship where you weren't EXACTLY sure what was going on, what the rules were, who they applied to, or even if you were in a "relationship" at all, and you finally had to just flat out ASK, then you have DTR'ed without evening knowing it. Now I know this sounds innocent enough, but bear with me here and I'll explain the dangers. Lets be honest, a lot of us end up involved with someone without ever quuuuite knowing how it happened, or what the expectations were once it did happen. So if we are happy with that, we just coast along more or less playing things by ear and not asking to many questions. This is all fine and well for say the first month or so maybe. After that, unless you're basically just 'friends with benefits' things start to happen in the relationship that raise questions about just WHAT exactly is going on. For example, you hold hands, you go on dates, you meet each others friends, you MIGHT even meet each others parents at some point, you talk constantly, make plans to go places together etc. etc. and lets not forget that you're probably sleeping together too! All this is being done with no label, no boundaries...it just kinda happens. So how long do you ignore the proverbial elephant in the middle of the room with respect to your status? How do you bring the subject up? When? What do you talk about? What changes? Here-in lie the dangers of DTR...

Now if you're at all like me, you're probably perfectly content to cruise along and just take things one day at a time...for a while. But then that little voice in the back of your head starts in "Man, should I say something? Is she waiting for me to bring it up? Do I want to bring it up?" Fortunately for ME, my most recent DTR went something like this:

"Matt, what the f*ck are we doing?"
"Ahhh, what do you mean?" (I tried to play dumb at first)
"You know EXACTLY what I mean! What are WE doing?"
"Oh. Well I guess we should talk about that..."

And so it went from there! Now, I pretty much lucked out with this...I didn't have to bring it up, she and I found out we were on the same page (or atleast in the same chapter) and had more or less the same expectations from each other - it was really quite nice. However, the title of this post is "The Dangers of DTR" and here's the thing, A LOT of the time, having a DTR moment does NOT do good things for a relationship. Some people simply don't handle definition very well, others find out that they're looking for totally different things, and still OTHERS just see a DTR as added pressure that they weren't looking for. This is where things get dangerous - the old maxim "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" comes readily to mind. The thing is, DTR to early, and you risk running the other 1/2 of your relationship off by seeming to be too pushy. Wait to DTR later and you may find that your relationship has simply evaporated because you never took that next step. It's a tricky business to be sure.

Assuming you DO time your DTR right, you may STILL have mucked things up because as I said, some people don't LIKE to be defined. Generally speaking, I am one of those people. It's not so much that I don't LIKE it, it's simply that I'm not usually in a rush to DO IT. Other people however are positively PHOBIC about defining their status. They feel that it changes what's expected of them, what they're allowed to do, who they're allowed to see, what they're supposed to say, how they should act etc. etc. etc. Why this completely freaks some people out is completely understandable to me - but rather than express these feelings, many people just freeze up and withdraw, which is the beginning of the end for that relationship. Other people are afraid of a status change I think, because of what it means in terms of sharing who you are. As "just friends" or "talking" you can get away with a certain amount of superficial "fluff" in you relationship. You're not really obligated to share THAT much about who you REALLY are deep down. A lot of interaction can be relegated down to "I like this", "I don't like that", and "How are you?" at this point. Certainly this is not talk of the things that MAKE you who you are...your passions, your philosophy, your life experience, heaven FORBID your flaws as a person. No, until you DTR, you can safely keep all this tucked away inside without anything being out of the ordinary - and I'll be very honest, it probably is safer that way. Sharing those things with another person gives them great power over you, because once you bare those parts of your soul, then someone else knows EXACTLY where you can be hurt the most, and EXACTLY how to do it. But by the same token, WITHOUT sharing these things, how can you ever truly know a person? The simple answer is, you can't, and so DTR and everything involved with it comes down to one simple and very profound idea - TRUST.

Only when you truly trust someone and are willing to share these sometimes painfully personal aspects of who you are, can you take that next step in a relationship. To DTR is essentially ask someone, "Do you trust me?" and then wait for the answer. Some people trust more easily than other, for lots of reasons. Others have been hurt before by trusting, and so are more hesitant to take that risk again. If that's the case, and you really and truely care about the other person, then all you can do is wait, and let them come to you on their own terms. I'm honestly not sure which is the better approach - to trust everyone to a fault, or to trust no one completely. I think trusting no one is probably safer, but it's also more lonely. I myself have never thought that risk was any reason not to do a thing, and in fact it seems that more often than not, the most risky things are also the most rewarding. So I'll risk trusting another person every time (and I hope you will too) even though it could cause me pain, because I know the reward could be something beyond any measure.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure,
But risk must be taken,
Because the greatest hazard in life
Is to risk nothing..."

~Leo Buscaglia

Guess Who's Back?

That's right...after a rather longer then intended hiatus from my own PERSONAL blog (long story short, I got sucked into being a poster on two OTHER blogs, maintained by some of my friends here in Asheville) I'm now back and fully prepared to rant to my hearts content, so lets get right to it. FIRST:
What on earth has happened to peoples manners today? Now I KNOW I'm part of generation 'y'...the internet generation, the jaded, cynical, ultra modern group of kids who will pretty much be running the world in a few short years, but EVEN SO, I've noticed a shocking lack of day to day manners - and coming from me, that says something. Basically what it says is that the problem has gotten SO bad that a guy like me, who really doesn't know THAT much about proper manners (which is to say, I had to ask my mother if black what an appropriate color for my date to wear to a wedding I went to recently. It turns out it's NOT...my date knew this, and she had no plans to wear black, but she didn't bother to tell me, so I asked my Mom, who also knew, and informed me that the only color worse to wear to a wedding than black, was white....who knew!) is now noticing, and hence it must be pretty bad, and probably getting worse.

For example:
#1) On a busy street in 5:00 traffic, you slow down to let someone out of a parking lot and into traffic. Expected response - a nice friendly wave from the person you let in. Much more likely response: getting ignored, and then cut off 5 min. later by the same person you let into traffic.
#2) At the grocery, you have maybe three things that you literally ran into buy...the lady in front of you at the self check has at least 50 items, and tons of coupons. Expected response: She nicely lets you check out first, so you can get the hell on w/ your life. Much more likely response: You wait behind the bitch until she scans her entire cart, enters her coupons, and THEN realizes she left her wallet in the car.
#3) You're at work...possibly fixing cell phones, like I do. A rather old, and very ugly lady comes to you counter, and in an irate tone tells you that she is having trouble w/ her phone. You polite ask her what exactly the trouble IS. Expected response: she politely explains that her phone is not taking a good charge. More likely response: she jerks her charging cord out of the bottom of her phone, almost hitting you in the face, slings it across the desk and informs you that "this is the damn problem".

I mean CHRIST people! Are you kidding me? I'm 25, and for the most part could give a crap LESS if someone thinks I'm being polite or not, but I STILL MAKE AN EFFORT! Apparently there are fewer and fewer people on this planet who do the same! I mean really, it's not like its that hard to do! I manage it every single day when I go to work...I had stupid, stupid, STUPID people who bring me stupid, STUPID, STUPID problems w/ their phones, but I swear I'm patient, polite and friendly with all of them! The same cannot be said for the tool of a rookie who sits next to me some days. Lord, talk about someone with and abrasive personality! If think I would personally rather give myself paper cuts and then pour lemon juice on them, then have to spend any time around this kid outside of work. Oh, and the best part, he wants the open sales job we have at the store...good luck to ya there buddy, you might get the position, but you're gonna suck at it.

Funny story about paper cuts though...my buddy Jay Johnson aka The Mole, managed to give himself a paper cut ON HIS EYEBALL a couple of months ago. I mean OUCH!!! I can't even imagine how much that had to have hurt. I hung out w/ Mole for a weekend in March, and kept wondering why he NEVER took his shades off - now I know! It's because it looked like he had pink-eye from HELL!!! Anyway, i'm gonna run now...it's good to be back to my own blog for a little while! I hope some of you out there still check it for updates occasionally, because there are more coming, I swear!